History Lessons
by augmentedfourth
Summary: In a series of short flashbacks, Marian Hawke reflects on significant experiences with her mother, hoping they will help guide her through her difficult times and her troubled relationship with Anders.


Two little girls sat at their mother's knee, rapt with attention over the words that dreamily spilled forth from her mouth. It was a story they'd heard countless times before, and they could recite every detail with perfect clarity. As it was their favorite, they still asked to hear it over and over again, as often as their mother would indulge them.

"…I'd known what my answer would be from the moment I laid eyes upon him. When he asked me to marry him, I said 'yes' before he'd even finished speaking. Then we came to Ferelden." Leandra beamed down at her daughters, stroking Bethany's hair. "And you know the rest of the story."

"Tell us anyway!" the younger girl urged.

She laughed. "We had three beautiful children. A prince and two princesses to round out our fairy tale."

"Did you live happily ever after?" Bethany asked.

"Of course, dear."

Marian had remained silent throughout this retelling of their family history. She'd always enjoyed hearing about her parents' adventures before she was born, but as she'd grown older, she'd pondered some of the unspoken elements with greater depth. "Mother?" she finally spoke. "Do you ever miss Kirkwall?"

Leandra seemed surprised by this new question, and took her time contemplating a suitable answer. "Sometimes," she said quietly. "I don't necessarily miss the city itself, but I sometimes think about my family. I haven't seen my parents and my brother in so many years…."

Being apart from one's family for more than a few hours was an utterly foreign concept to the young girl. "Why don't you go visit them?"

"It's not that easy."

"But wouldn't you miss us if we were gone for years?"

"Very very much." She lifted Marian off the floor and plopped her on her lap. Once one child was in place, she resumed her idle ruffling of Bethany's dark tresses. "Even though they don't know you, I'm sure your grandparents would adore you. I hope you can meet them one day, but for now, we need to stay here."

"Is it because of Father?" Marian asked.

Her question hung heavy in the air for an endless moment. "Not entirely," Leandra eventually responded. She smiled broadly at her children, trying to dispel any tension that lingered in the room. "But I don't want my precious girls worrying about such things. Everyone I love most is right here in Ferelden, so we're going to stay here." She extracted herself from the clutches of her daughters and stood up, the glow of her smile never wavering. "Your father and Carver should be returning any moment. Now, who wants to help me with dinner?"

* * *

The gangly teenager leaned against a table, her arms crossed over her chest and her brow furrowed in petulant consternation. "I can't believe we have to move _again_," Marian snapped. "We _just_ got here."

"I know, I know," Leandra answered. "But it's not as safe here as we thought it was going to be."

"Safe?" Marian rolled her eyes. "There's barely anyone in this stupid town!"

"Well, if it's so stupid, I guess you won't mind leaving it then, will you?"

Her mother's logic was not appreciated. "I'm tired of making friends, only to leave them behind. I'm tired of having to leave in the middle of the night with nothing but my clothes and anything that fits into a small pouch. I'm tired of sleeping against a damn tree because you won't let us stay where there's a bed!"

"Watch your tone," Leandra said sharply. "There are other people in this family besides you, and if we're going to remain together, we just need to do certain things."

"But why? Why are we always running around?"

She dropped the box she was holding and stared at her angry daughter. Along with Malcolm, she had always sworn to protect their children from the wide range of evils in their world, from unpleasant thoughts to people who would cause them physical harm. Unfortunately, no parent could erect a shield that would resist the strains of passing time. The years seemed to fly by at an alarmingly rapid pace, and when Leandra looked upon her eldest, she was torn between the reminders of the innocent child she once was and a vision of the grown woman she would become.

"There are people out there who wish to do bad things to your father and your sister, simply because of who they are," she reminded her. "I know all this moving around isn't an ideal situation, and I pray every day that the time will come when they can live their lives freely and openly."

Marian's expression softened slightly, but she wasn't ready to abandon her aggravation just yet. "So why don't we just send those two along? We can visit them and catch up with them later on."

Leandra closed her eyes and breathed deeply, asking the Maker for the strength to calmly deal with her daughter's adolescence that would have likely been tumultuous regardless of the circumstances. She was still trying to find herself, to carve out her own path. Although teenagers were fond of thinking they knew everything about how the universe operated, she still had so far to go. "We are a family. We are going to stay together."

Marian opened her mouth to speak again, but was silenced by a shake of her mother's head. "When I made a vow to your father," Leandra continued, "I knew that the road ahead of us would be difficult and treacherous at times. Every day we're faced with hard decisions, made even more complex by worrying about the three children we brought into this world."

She leaned against the table next to Marian, wanting to cuddle her like she had when she was younger, but respecting her space. "I love him and Bethany so much, I couldn't bear to be apart from them. And I love you and Carver just as much. No matter what happens, that love will never be weakened."

A tear slid down Marian's cheek and she stared down at the floor wordlessly. Leandra could see the inner toil and conflict splayed across her daughter's face, but she chose not to call attention to it. She couldn't even fault her for her frustration and resentment, as twinges of guilt sometimes poked through to the surface when she considered the life they led. As she had said, however, she had chosen her path and was ready to face all its challenges.

She was confident that the churning storm of selfishness and remorse would soon pass through her daughter, and that the familial relationships would not suffer. "Your father wants to leave tonight," she said. "I can help you go through your things, if you'd like. But only if you want me to."

* * *

The ship's hold was dark and crowded. A foul odor permeated the air, and the rough waves rocked the boat without mercy. Leandra sat against the wall with her legs stretched out in front of her in the space she had claimed. Each arm was claimed by a daughter, curled up against their mother like trembling kittens.

Malcolm Hawke had died three years previously. The pain of losing him dulled in comparison to watching an ogre crush the life out of Carver. There was no choice but to continue on towards Kirkwall, and the three women had successfully escaped Ferelden.

"Mother?" Marian's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Yes?"

"You're right. I shouldn't have let Carver rush forward like that. It's my fault, I'm so sorry…." A choked sob eliminated the chance for further words to come out.

"Oh no, my dear, it wasn't your fault. I never should have said that." She kissed the top of her daughter's head. "I was upset, and I wasn't thinking clearly. It's just one of those things. I don't think anyone could have prevented it."

She felt the tears of her remaining children soak through her thin blouse. The shock of Carver's death was still a raw, aching wound, but she had to try to remain strong. Though her girls were adults now, there was no denying their occasional need for their mother's support. "I know things look bleak right now, but I have faith that we will find success in our new beginning. Father and Carver may not be accompanying us to Kirkwall, but I know they'll be watching over us."

Bethany's head jerked, and a yawn escaped her lips. Leandra guided her downwards until her head was resting in her lap. Stroking her hair, she hoped Bethany would soon find the blissful escape of sleep.

Marian kept her voice down to avoid waking her sister. "Did you ever think you'd see Kirkwall again?" she asked.

"I really don't know." Leandra stretched her neck to the side before resting her head back against the wall. "I'd thought about it a couple times, especially after your father died. But we were settled in Ferelden, and I couldn't find a pressing reason to come back when our lives were there." She smiled sadly into the dimly lit room. "This may sound foolish, but a small part of me thought that I'd be leaving your father behind, even after he was gone. That I wouldn't be able to remember him as well if I went back."

"Do you still think that?"

"Not at all." One hand stayed resting in Bethany's hair, while the other wrapped around Marian's fingers. "No matter where I go – where we go – I can feel him with me. I pray to the Maker every day for safety and guidance, but I also rely on him to lead me forward. And now Carver is with him too, to watch over us."

"But don't you ever wish things had turned out differently?"

"If you mean whether I wish they hadn't died so early, of course I do. But like I said, some things just can't be helped. There's no use in dwelling on the past and what could have been when we still have so much more ahead of us." She searched herself for more wisdom that could aid her troubled daughter. "Dark times like this will one day make the good times seem even better. Regardless of what happens to me, I had the privilege of loving your father and forging my life with him. In addition to that, he gave me three of the greatest gifts anyone could ask for."

Marian watched Bethany sleep, letting her rhythmic breathing and her mother's touch lull her into a calmer state. "I miss him," she said.

"I know. I do, too. He was taken from us far too soon, but I will love him until the day he comes for me." Leandra squeezed her hand. "In some ways, you're so much like him. I know he's proud of you."

"I hope so."

"He is. There's no question." Leandra kissed her hair again. "Let's try to get some sleep."

* * *

Marian anxiously paced about her uncle's house. "This isn't right, this shouldn't have happened," she muttered. "I should have been here."

Leandra watched her from her seat on the opposite side of the room. "There's nothing you could have done. We're lucky that we were able to keep her magic hidden for as long as we did."

"But if I had stayed home, I may have heard something, and we may have been able to get her away, and…." She stopped moving and leaned against the wall, resting her head against her forearm. "Bethany's been taken to the Circle. This is precisely what Father didn't want."

"I know." The air in the room was unmoving and oppressive. There was little to be said that could alleviate the situation, but Leandra had to try. "She's alive. She's a smart girl, and she can take care of herself there. She'll be safe, and we'll be able to visit her soon."

The words had their intended effect. Her shoulders relaxing, Marian snuck a glance at her mother. "Were you always afraid of this?"

"Of course I was. You know I never wanted this to happen."

"No, I mean…when you married Father, when you decided to be with a mage, were you afraid of what could happen if we were…if any of us were…like him?"

Her daughter did always know how to ask the difficult questions. "That particular decision wasn't up to us, obviously." Leandra paused, debating how much to reveal. "But yes, your father was afraid that one or more of you would inherit his curse."

"And you?"

"I loved him, didn't I? Naturally, I wouldn't want any of my children to struggle any more than they had to, but I wouldn't begrudge you anything you took from him, any piece of him you retained."

Marian didn't answer, so she went on. "When Bethany's magic was discovered, we worried for her future, of course. But while ours wasn't the most stable life, it was filled with love. Your father was able to attain that, and we were sure that she would, too." She tried to smile at her remaining daughter. "And I think Bethany knows how much we love her."

With a resounding sigh, Marian crossed the room and collapsed into a second chair. "If you had known what was going to happen, would you have done anything differently?" she asked.

"Absolutely not."

"You really wouldn't change anything?"

Leandra reached over and patted her daughter's hand. "Not a thing. There are no right or wrong decisions – things are what they are, for better or worse. I'm very thankful for everything I have, and have had, and I won't waste time on regrets. I only hope you can live the same way."

Marian eyed her mother carefully. "I know this past year hasn't been easy for you. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to work on getting back the family estate. I want there to be more good memories than bad ones."

"There already are, my dear. But thank you. That would be wonderful."

"Though it might look a little silly getting such a big house for just the two of us." She stared down at the floorboards, contemplating everything her mother had said. "I sometimes wonder if I'll ever love someone the way you loved Father," she said abruptly.

Leandra only continued smiling at her. "I am certain you will, Marian. And that would make me immeasurably happy, for it really is the greatest joy."

* * *

Marian cradled her mother's lifeless body, rendered nearly unrecognizable by the blood mage's revolting handiwork. By the time he and his abominations had been destroyed, Leandra had deteriorated far beyond the scope of any possible healing. Marian's companions, sharing in her sorrow, had assured her that any extra time would not have likely made a difference in Leandra's fate, and there was nothing she could have done to prevent this tragedy.

She closed her eyes and tried to replace the image of the deformed creature below her with a more pleasant vision of her mother. There were no words that could begin to describe how utterly unfair the conclusion of her life was, but she tried to take solace in all the warmhearted advice she'd been given over the years. Though Leandra had always allowed herself the appropriate emotional responses to everything she'd experienced, she had accepted everything that had come her way. Her life had not been easy, but she had been at peace with the route she'd taken.

Marian's one consolation was knowing that her parents had finally been reunited. Leandra had always believed that Malcolm would come for her when the time was right. While it had been much sooner than expected, Marian was able to smile at the idea of her mother back in the arms of the man she had loved so deeply. Rather than envisioning her last moments filled with terror and pain, she chose to think of the tender warmth that must have enveloped her as her father and Carver had extended their hands to take her from this pit of nightmares.

As much as she tried to rationalize it, Marian knew that she would be plagued by guilt for quite some time. She would be replaying the scenarios, imagining ways she could have stopped the serial killer before he struck again, despite how much Leandra would have urged her not to. There was no use in trying to change the past, she'd always said, and Marian needed to look towards the future.

The loss of yet another family member would take time to fully accept, and the hole of grief would take time to close. Even as she looked at her mother's body one last time, she felt the strength of her love fill her mind, and she knew she would always take that with her wherever she went. Wiping the tears from her eyes, Marian stood up and faced her team, prepared to lead them onward.

* * *

Kirkwall was still visible in the distance, the silhouettes of its massive buildings rising from the sea. Marian stood at the railing, where she had been watching the city grow smaller and smaller. "So that's what my mother taught me," she said. "That was her legacy."

She didn't know where the boat was taking them. She didn't even know where the boat had come from, though she'd thought it better not to ask her pirate friend. There were far more important matters to discuss. She turned from the railing and looked out over the top deck. The others had granted her some privacy while she recalled her memories to Anders, who was sitting on a nearby crate. He hadn't spoken at all during her lengthy tale, and she hoped she had been able to reach through to him.

Marian stepped away from the railing. "It wasn't until this moment that I truly understood everything she had said to me, everything she had done. But now I see it. I really do." She closed the gap between them and knelt between his legs, a surprisingly docile position for the once Champion of Kirkwall. "I still wish you had trusted me with your plans, but that doesn't matter now. What's done is done. All I know is that I can't see my life without you in it. I don't want a future that doesn't include you."

She gazed up at him, relieved that he was finally making eye contact with her. Something about him had drawn her to him from their very first meeting, and the feeling had only intensified over the years. As if inserting the final piece into a puzzle, she suddenly became very aware of the significance of all her mother's actions. Time and again, Leandra had chosen love, even when it wasn't the easiest decision to make. And now Marian was prepared to follow in her footsteps.

Anders's fingertips on the side of her face snapped her out of her brief reverie. She let him trace a line around her cheekbones, her chin, her lips, relishing in the intimacy of his affectionate touch. There were still so many unspoken words between them, but all that was needed right then and there was simplicity. "I love you," she said. "Always."

He ducked his head down, pressing his mouth against hers. She kissed him with a vibrant fervor, parting her lips to allow a more satisfying contact. Gripping her around the waist, he pulled her up so she was sitting in his lap. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, trapping him against her body. He breathed fresh vitality into her, and fulfilled her dreams of finding the second half of her soul.

Their path would be bumpy and fraught with unknown obstacles. She didn't even know where their next destination was, but that detail was immaterial for now. With their kiss, they sealed a promise to each other to always travel forth as a team, as equal partners, as lovers. She would live her life as her mother had wanted, with a confidence in her choices and an absolute lack of regret.

When their lips eventually separated, Marian looked upon him once more. "Our world is changing," she said. "We'll keep working to change it for the better. I want the same things you want. I want to give our children peace and freedom." She took one of his hands and kissed it before holding it against her chest, directly above her heart. "And as soon as they're old enough to listen, we will teach them about our family's history of love."


End file.
